• Hey Sam,

    I like the dynamic shifts and the instrumental combinations sound good to me. My criticisms would be that the flam on the snare seems a bit displaced rhythmically, like maybe it should start a bit before the beat and the volume should swell into it.  Maybe going through and varying the drums a bit and paying closer attention to velocity edits would help there.  Compositionally the melodies seem a bit too simplistic in terms of their construction in spots, two note patterns transposed time and again.  Like with the drums, maybe more variation in the rhythms and pitch patterns of the melodies would make a more satisfying piece.  Keep working at it!

  • Hey Tombo, thanks for listening. I'm not sure what you mean about the snare being displaced rhythmically, but I agree that it doesn't have any variation on the pattern. I just made one pattern and assign it to almost entire piece. I also totally agree with you about the too simplistic melodies with the two patterns in the background. I tend to be trapped in such situation-- keeping a single or two patterns without making it developed--because of my somewhat fondness to the given melodies. I definitely need to work on this more. Thanks again for the advice. It's really helpful.

    For cinematic purposes, does it work already?

  • At 0:21 and 0;26 you have  trumpet (?) notes that don't work. There are other interval clashes, but those two instances were the worst.

    Your piece has no harmony in any of the orchestral sections throughout the entire piece. It's just a bunch of short single notes against some long notes. The orchestration is neither authentic nor convincing.

    I think that of you changed this into a electronic piece instead of an orchestral simulation it would be more successful as a film composition. 

    Just my $0.02. 

  • Hi Jonas, thanks for listening my music. So do you think the trumpet doesn't work, ya? What would be the possible instrument to replace it? I need some advice for developing this.

    About the harmony, maybe I should learn more of using this method, since I've tried to create harmony in both the short notes and the long ones. But thank you for the thought. I will go back to my piece and do some work on it.

  •  I'm not sure what you mean about the snare being displaced rhythmically

    When the snare does the little roll or flam, it sounds a bit clunky.  I think the way you wrote it was to have the roll begin right on the beat, which puts the main hit well after.  If you moved the roll to starting slightly before the beat it might sound less clunky (these are all guesses by the way).

    Whether it works for cinematic purposes might be a bit too broad of a question and one I'm not really qualified to answer.  For me to be able to say anything about that I'd have to listen while watching whatever scene it is to be paired with.

  • Oh, I know now what you meant by that. Yes, I wrote the roll right on the beat only I didn't realize that it would sound a bit clunky. Maybe to move it prior to the beat, as you suggested, could make it works better. Thanks for the input. :)

    Yea, actually I don't have a scene for the piece as I composed this for learning only. I just imagined an action scene, in which someone is being chased by something or whatever, then he/she had to fight for some goal to reach the victory. Well, anyway.. thanks again for the help. :)

  • I wasn't referring to the trumpet sound, but rather your note choices.  At 0:20 (or measure 12) the trumpet is playing an E natural.  That note creates a b9 dissonance against the accompaniment that sounds horrible.  Professionals call that the "unemployment dissonance". Using a D natural or an Fin the trumpets would be much better.

    If you are married to that note in the trumpets then any Eb notes you have in the other parts should move to a D instead. 

    There are more of these b9 interval clashes in your piece but I don't have the time to chase them all down.  However, they would be easy to find on a written score. 

    I've attached an MP3 that has some basic harmonic ideas against your bass line.  I started with just the bass and a staccato string figure.  I then added French horns playing 3-part harmony.  The next time through I used a woodwind choir (oboe, clarinet, bassoon) to play 3-part harmony against the string accompaniment.  The third time through I had the French horns and the woodwinds playing simultaneously against the strings. 



  • Thanks Jonas for the detail explanation. However, I need some kind of clarification with regard to the dissonance result from the said part. Starting 0:20, I wrote four notes for each bass lines changes. First is E against Ab of the accompaniment, second is Eb against Eb, third is F sharp against C sharp and fourth is E against B. As I listened to it again and again, I heard that the last note, E doesn't quite work together with B, which I guess results in the dissonance sound. This is in contrast to your evaluation which is the first note in that part, E against the Ab. How do you assess that? (sorry I cannot provide you with a written score yet).

    I like your version very much, by the way, and it works too when I assigned the notes to the next part, which is starting 0:27 until it stops briefly. However, I found it rather hard to get it to a tension feel as much as I did with my version.

  • If you post the MIDI, I can import it into Sibelius and analyze this properly.

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