Hi all,
I did my best to follow your precious feedback and make the piece more consistant.
Here is the link (same as before): https://vimeo.com/808065022
Hopefully, its form is now more defined as ABACA:
A = Main theme
B = First development based on few melodic cells and rhythmical figures of A (0:39)
A = Reprise with different harmonization (2:08)
C = Further development based on different material from A and B (includes the classical/tremolo section, which hopefully sounds little less out of context after almost three minutes, also thanks to the brief bridge that hints at an incoming more dramatic development of the main theme) (2:46)
A = Reprise and coda (5:23)
The piece ends just little earlier than the 7 minutes mark, as suggested.
Hope these adjustements are good enough to restore dignity to this simple piece of mine. If so, I'll add the "Music Analysis and Critique" category to the post.
Thank you all so much for everything.
Gabriele
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ORIGINAL POST
Hi all,
I'm currenty composing this piece for string quartet:
and I'd really love to get some suggestions about what the ideal length should be in your opinion and how to expand its structure, which is currently made of an exposition section (first 38'') and a development section (till 3'46'') after which I'm planning to repeat the main theme (another 38'') and..... I don't know, I must admit I'm running low on ideas: another development section? Introducing brand new themes?
As you all are accomplished composers, I guess it would be very easy for you to squeeze out many more minutes from this musical material and maybe you can point me to a bunch of melodic cells that are worhty of further explorations (and maybe what kind of exploration!! :DDD).
Thanks a lot to everyone who's going to listen and/or giving a feedback, as usual.
Gabriele
Replies
This is a really beautiful piece, Gabriele. And my goodness the sound quality is amazing - so rich and lush and clear. When you went into the tremolo section at about the 1.5 minute mark I felt a little caught off guard, to be honest, but it certainly lent some additional drama to the proceedings. If I could suggest anything to try to answer your main question, I might be looking to expand the first half of the development section before you break into the tremolo, maybe end it logically with a cadence before shifting gears. Perhaps a more extended and more clearly delineated ABA form to the piece? Either way, I think you're off to an amazing start and I would totally look forward to hearing the final product. Grüße aus Kanada, Frank
Frank,
thank you so much for having listened to it.
Hm... I think you are 100% right: the tremolo part is quite abrupt and disrupts the lyrical and romantic beginning way too early. I should work on expanding the exploration of the main theme — maybe introducing some new techniques like pizzicato as an hint that "things are going to change" — and gradually lead the listeners to the more "tormented" tremolo section. As for the ABA form, I believe that after applying such adjustments, a reprise of whole or part of the lyrical and romantic section would sound very natural and then a coda would definitely be the most obvious call.
Thank you so much once again for the time spent listening and your support.
Gabriele
Hi Gabriele,
I'm guessing that this movement which seems basically an Adagio, could last for five to six minutes although with development of both main themes, could be longer.
It's a wonderful piece, warm, emotional and flows well. Accomplished part-writing and superb harmony.
However, I had problems with the episode at 1'47" to 2'00" (roughly) and again at 2'15" for a few bars. The mood suddenly turned classical (to me) especially with the raw diminished tremuli - could almost be Haydn for those moments, still sounding dramatic but of a different genre. However, this seems to lead into new ideas around 2'56" which returned to the opening lyricism.
It may be possible to do something to reduce the 'shock' - maybe elaboration. (Here's where a score might be useful to pinpoint actual bars.) As it is, it seems to be a bridge to those new ideas at 2'56", quite a long bridge, maybe it could be turned into a sub-theme in its own right.
However, this is your work and if you like it as it is, that's what counts. Take no notice of me.
Altogether a most pleasant work to listen to and I'll look forward to listening to the full movement. :)
Great.
All good wishes, Dane.
Dane,
thank you so much for the time spent listening and for your very kind and supporting words: even though I'm not chamber music person, I'm venturing into this genre trying to get more familiar with a more complex counterpoint and modulations.
Like I told to Frank as well (and like I'm going to say to David in the next reply), I definitely agree about the chords+tremolo section being a bit too far from the whole lyricism and romanticism of the piece. It should be introduced gradually and later in the piece as an element of discontinuity, before the aforementioned lyricism and romanticism turn into something cheesy and corny. I'm already working on it, hope I'll be able to achieve that.
Thank you so much once again.
Gabriele
starts with a nice theme and then, instead of repeating it with a gradual development around 38", it briefly goes somewhere else before changing its mind and going back to the original theme. It's true, I think, that the Haydn or early Beethoven (reminds me actually of op.18 no. 4 which I just happened to be listening to) attaca chords lies slightly uncomfortably with the more obviously romantic opening but I have more problems with how the theme at 3'05" comes a bit out of nothing. This is the sort of gorgeous melody I'd expect from you and certainly it needs to be developed. At the moment, my impression is of a few sketches not quite convincingly put together but the quality of the material could lead to a very nice movement indeed once you sort everything out.
By the way, I'm interested in which library you used for the rendering, particularly as I am currently thinking of expanding my collection of solo strings.
David,
thank you so much for always giving my music a chance and for your supporting words. No words can convey how I feel reading of a composers expecting "gorgeous melody" from me.
As for the chords+tremolo section, I agree with all of you and please let me thank you all for having pointed my to such a huge flaw in the structureof the piece. I'm working on delaying the entering of the Haydn/Classical section, after a proper development and exploration of the main theme and just before the piece turns into something cheesy and boring/monotonous, which is my biggest fear as I'm writing it. As for the sudden melody, I'll introduce it (in different tonality but same rhythm) in the first part, so it hopefully will no longer sound as out of nowhere. Hope I'll be able to assemble the sketches in a proper way.
The library I used for rendering is a combination of Cinestring Solo and Modern Scoring Strings.
Thank you so much once again.
Gabriele
(updated)