The competition will be divided into three categories of composers:   

  • CATEGORY 1: Adult Composers Who Have Been Damned By The Ineluctable  
  • CATEGORY 2: Adult Composers Driven Mad By Unknown Guilt  
  • CATEGORY 3: Young Persons (18 and Younger) Laboring Under The Delusion That They Have Not Already Died

Compositions must be for an ensemble consisting of:

  • seven cellos
  • kazoo
  • cigar-box banjo
  • miniature triangle
  • three slide whistles
  • jaw harp
  • bongo drums
  • four beefy shirtless men making hand-in-armpit flatulence noises
  • hurdy-gurdy-and-monkey
  • an adolescent soprano who could not carry a tune in a tin bucket.

Entrants may submit as many compositions as they wish, but each composition may be no longer than The Ring Cycle.

Entries will be judged on their ability to provoke panic, fury, and despair.

The contest will be refereed by a distinguished Panel of Judge, who will select one winning composition from each category.  

The decision of the Panel of Judge will be final and in fact was made at the moment of the entrant's quickening in the womb. 

Entry fee for each composition will be two one oz. Krugerrands chemically altered so that they turn into rosewater loukoumi when held in the mouth.  Compositions submitted without the entry fee will not exist.  

Winning compositions will be taken by the Panel of Judge to a forlorn Transylvanian mountain peak at dawn, where the ensemble will heap all the scores into a bonfire and perform a ritual dance around the leaping flames while chanting solemn execrations on the winning composers.

To submit, please tattoo your score on your torso and display yourself to the hag who will haunt your dreams.

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