President Obama makes his case for more troops in Afghanistan tomorrow night. I’ve got bad news for him; nobody will like what he has to say. The Republicans won’t like the fact that he took two months to decide. That’s not being a decider, it’s not decisive to take that two months to do the manly thing. In fact it’s positively French to take two months to do a manly thing. We Americans want our Presidents manly (and definitely not French). The Republicans have the monopoly on all things American and manly so they get to decide if Obama is acting manly. I’m guessing they won’t approve, not because they disagree with the decision, but because they disagree with the methodology of making the decision.
The Democrats won’t like what he has to say either. They like the French, they like to party, they like good times. More war is not a good time. They’ll say that they care about the young people of America, but only Vice President Biden actually has a stake in this war (his son is serving in Iraq). The rest of them are just flapping their gums.
Meanwhile we have Obama himself taking two months of sober deliberation and information gathering to make a decision to put more young Americans in harm’s way. I like that, but I’m anxious to hear his exit strategy from this conflict. I hope it’s better than providing suitcases (with a nod to the late Sam Kinneson). Suitcases would certainly be an excellent exit methodology, provided that transportation is also provided. Anything faster than a camel will get you out of Afghanistan safely (as long as you’re near the border).
Of course sober deliberation is fine if you’re a centrist, but there are so few of them left that I don’t think enough people will be impressed to matter. Sober is no fun so the Democrats certainly won’t be. The Republicans will simply call it yet another example of dithering.
So here’s my advice to Obama, keep a shotgun handy just in case Dick Cheney comes around. After all with a weapon like that you want to be sure to shoot first. Keep a bottle of French wine handy, it can be used to pacify any Democrats who express dissatisfaction. Pack your suitcases and find a ride that is faster than a camel.