Music Composers Unite!
I wrote this piece yesterday and have been working obsessively on it. Tell me what you think and what elements in my compositional style I could improve on. I'm comfortable with tough criticism, I plan on having a run through on it with the community orchestra near my college in a week or two.
From a compositional stand point, I think it's quite good. The problems I have with it however all involve the orchestration. First, I would agree with what has already been stated, wider intervals and lighter harmonies would give it more of that "dream feel" that you seem to be going for. The other problem comes from viewing it as a player would. If I'm playing Violin 1, Cello, or Bass, I'm going to be bored from playing harmonies and long tones through the whole piece. If I'm playing Clarinet or Violin 2, I'm going to get tired of all those 16th notes repeating over and over again. I would consider taking that constant line of 16ths and trading it around the ensemble, overlap it with other voices, even change it up rhythmically so it's not just constant 16ths throughout.
One final suggestion would be to consider greater use of color. String orchestras have all kinds of potential of playing with different colors and timber. Try playing around with some harmonics, sul tasto, or mutes. You'd be surprised so see how much more the piece comes to life.
Nice, but I would avoid the dominant 7th chords. Clear it up a bit by opening up the voicings and change the harmonic structure (slightly) but not enough to change the static fell of the piece.