Music Composers Unite!
Do you have a score to go with it?
I don't, sorry.
I hear some good ideas in there... but as I said in your other thread, I think they need more work to shape them into something more well-rounded and presentable. I highly recommend doing some practice exercises on melody writing and development (maybe with just some throwaway motifs that you don't really care about -- it's just an exercise), so that you develop a better feel for melodic progression. I hope I don't offend or discourage you in saying this, because in my early composing attempts I wrote stuff exactly like what you have here, so I totally understand where you're coming from,. But believe it or not, melodic development and musical form actually do matter. It's the framework from which we hang our good ideas in order to display them in the best light. Without this framework, even the best ideas don't sound very good to the audience (though it certainly sounds good to us -- 'cos it's our idea, you see). You certainly have good ideas -- now you need to work them into excellent ideas, and that will require some hard work.
Hunter, I understand and relate to your obvious enthusiasm, and that's an admirable quality. But I think you're shooting way beyond what you're really capable of right now. I really think you need to reach back down to many of the fundamentals, develop a great patience in the thorough studying of them, and, leading on from there, begin with compositions of far less ambition, until you gradually attain a surer grasp of simpler forms. There is, as of yet, a great lack of a fuller understanding of the materials you are burdening yourself with. I can't help but suspect that, if you choose to neglect this necessary bit of pain, that eventually you'll become so discouraged as to give it all up entirely, which would be a sad thing, considering what is obviously a great source of joy to you.
Put your nose to the grindstone, in other words, and simply get hell-bent on enduring what we've all had to in our time.