Looking for constructive criticism on my latest piece

[Mike Leghorn]

Hi everyone, 

I recently composed a piece, which I call "Bazooka Joe has a fantasy". It's a little over six minutes long. I used these VSTi's: Zebra, Diva, True Pianos. For effects I used Valhalla Room reverb and KTGranulator for grain effects. Sonar X1 Studio was my DAW. There is no score.

I would really appreciate your open, honest, and brutal criticism. People have told me that my music jumps around from one idea to the next too much, and doesn't leave much to grab onto. Is that the case here? Is the piece long enough? Perhaps I could have developed it more? Does my thematic development make sense. How are the colors?

Since the mp3 is over 7 mb I'm not able to attach it here. Sorry!

You can hear it on my profile page, or here http://soundcloud.com/mike-leghorn/bazooka-joe-has-a-fantasy

Thanks, 

Mike

[Sam Umar]

Hi. Nice music composition! I hear that there is no clear theme or firm structure or something that you would try to describe from the piece. Maybe it will fit as a background of a moving picture (or perhaps you composed it based on that?). But the idea of this piece is quite interesting and I don't think is long enough. Good job!

Cheers,

Sam

[Tim Marko]

I liked the piece in general.  I felt the transitions from each of the ideas are what causes it to seem like it "jumps around".  Each idea seemed complete, but the new idea seems to just suddenly appear without a tie in. 

 

As Sam said, there isn't a clear theme to hold on to for the listener, so you need to take them to the next theme a bit more subtly. 

 

I do like your choice of instruments and use of effects.

 

Tim

[Mike Leghorn]

Sam, Tim -- thanks for your feedback! I really appreciate getting some guidance. In my future compositions I'm going to pay more attention to transitions, and try to integrate all the ideas more seamlessly and logically.

Mike

[Ondib Olmnilnlolm]

I do like this.  I don't think there is any problem with the "jumping around" from one musical idea to another;  it is a "fantasy," after all, which means it is (in musical terms) a rhapsody or fantasia.  The form is supposed to be wide ranging and irregular.

There doesn't need to be anything to "grab onto."  

What I like most about it is what is suggested by the title, as it is represented in the music.

Titles can be very important.

This is a nearly perfect representation of what must be the thought patterns of a person like Joe Bazooka.

The music itself, the thematic material is straightforward and pleasant, while the accompaniment, the harmonies, at times, shower the main melodies with a mild irony.

The dissonances that appear in the opening are illustrative of this irony.  

What you end up with is a thought pattern, and a feeling, which could by itself appear bland and unattractive (like wrappers on which the Joe Bazooka cartoons were printed), but which, in fact, is an instantiation of a cultural phenomenon which has become part of what Guy DeBord calls  "The Society of the Spectacle."

Joe Bazooka is an iconic figure, of almost the same stature as Popeye or the Jolly Green Giant.

The music both celebrates him, and holds him up for our examination, so that we can laugh not only with him, but at him.

You asked for "brutal criticism."

My only criticism would be with what happens at around 2:16.  This section comes as a necessary interlude, and formally it works quite well.   But the piano melody is bit "too nice," I think.  The focus of the work, emotionally,  becomes a bit flat during these middle minutes.  I think there is an opportunity for something more dramatic.  What is happening here?  Is it a movement into deeper and deeper reverie?   By 5:40 we are moving back, via an earlier motif, into familiar territory.  The piece became gentler and smoother in this middle section, and the harmonies became less adventurous.  This was, I felt, where the piece should have entered a greater tumult, either by increased dissonances,  or by a wider ranges of harmonies and accelerated tempos.  There needed to be a climax, or high point of some kind, and that was the place where it should have appeared:  somewhere between 2:15 and 5:40.  

In any case, what we have here is very expressive, and constitutes a very effective use of electronic timbres and effects to create a specific mood,  and even a character of thought.

Thank you for posting it.

[Tombo Rombo]

I enjoyed it.  The ascending chords in the beginning make me think of a big bubble gum bubble taking Bazooka Joe off into the milky way.  Some negative thoughts crossed my mind while listening: "The constant pad in the background does lend continuity, but is sort of a cheap trick." "That little aeolian melody in the beginning seems a bit "quaint"" "in this part it sounds like he thought 'uh-oh, I better bring the main theme back or people will get mad'" "OOooo, I guess this is the 'adventure' part."  "Maybe some kind of recap at the end would help to achieve closure" "It sounds like it ends on a dominant chord somehow, up in the air" "It never really builds up to greater intensity, all one throbbing drifty dream" and crap like that. I have kind of an annoying little brat who lives in my head, can't be helped.  In all, I quite like it, sounds like you have a good ear and good samples.

[Mike Leghorn]

Thanks so much for your feedback Tombo! I like that annoying little brat in your head -- made some very helpful points. I think it's a good practice to notice various things about a piece your working on, e.g. "The constant pad in the background does lend continuity, but..." and question it. I agree, it is sort of a cheap trick. I meant to take some of that out, but never got around to it. I just figured no one would notice -- but I figured wrong :-)

I hope I can impose on you for more feedback on my other pieces!

Tombo Rombo said:

I enjoyed it.  The ascending chords in the beginning make me think of a big bubble gum bubble taking Bazooka Joe off into the milky way.  Some negative thoughts crossed my mind while listening: "The constant pad in the background does lend continuity, but is sort of a cheap trick." "That little aeolian melody in the beginning seems a bit "quaint"" "in this part it sounds like he thought 'uh-oh, I better bring the main theme back or people will get mad'" "OOooo, I guess this is the 'adventure' part."  "Maybe some kind of recap at the end would help to achieve closure" "It sounds like it ends on a dominant chord somehow, up in the air" "It never really builds up to greater intensity, all one throbbing drifty dream" and crap like that. I have kind of an annoying little brat who lives in my head, can't be helped.  In all, I quite like it, sounds like you have a good ear and good samples.

[Mike Leghorn]

Thanks to everyone for their feedback. I'm actually finding it to be quite helpful. Now I know I can't get away with so much stuff -- you all notice when something is sub par!

Mike