Eternal Darkness

[William Rayer]

I don't know if this is the forum for this but I started this work yesterday and wondered if anyone here would listen and tell me if they feel it is a finished composition, or if it feels like it needs more? I ask because I often get to close to my material and it is awfully hard to see the forest for all the trees.

 

Please feel free to offer criticism or suggestions... I find that often the music pours out and I can't stop the process.

 

Eternal Darkness version 1

 

This is going to be part of an Orchestral Suite containing a collection of different mood paintings.

 

After meeting with my mentor, he has suggested some changes. He has asked me to 'flesh out' the work a bit - his words. So, here is the newer version after taking some of is suggestions and working them into the piece. I include both here in case anyone would like to compare the two versions. A kind of: Before and After.

 

Eternal Darkness version 2

 

 

 

Thanks in advance,

 

Best regards,

Bill

[William Rayer]

I am working on my brother, he is busy right now. But I will ask him again.

Yeah, I hate the flute also. My brother gave me a few ideas on what to do with it (besides shooting it...) The piece reminds me of the score to "Them" ugh, ants...

Ray Kemp said:

More what Bill?
For me this sounds like the underscore for a 1950's "B" movie so it all depends on the length of the movie.
BTW This is not a criticism, just an observation of what I'm reminded of when listening.
A real orchestra may change my mind but GPO doesn't and I especially dislike the flute samples.

So! is this the right forum? only you can decide.

BTW can you not get your brother to join here?

Ray

[Mark McDowell]

Bill, for me, the only thing that would have made a difference in terms of the perception of it being complete is perhaps another 15 seconds of transition out. It felt just a little abrupt to me.

Take the perceptions with a grain of salt. I'm not even sure they're worth two cents, but there you are.

[William Rayer]

Yes, the ending is vague. But I am thinking it will make a great prelude for my newest symphony. I will post the first movement when I get a chance (still a work in progress!)

Mark McDowell said:

Bill, for me, the only thing that would have made a difference in terms of the perception of it being complete is perhaps another 15 seconds of transition out. It felt just a little abrupt to me.

Take the perceptions with a grain of salt. I'm not even sure they're worth two cents, but there you are.

[William Rayer]

Check out the thread now -it is a prelude to an entire symphonic poem.

Mark McDowell said:

Bill, for me, the only thing that would have made a difference in terms of the perception of it being complete is perhaps another 15 seconds of transition out. It felt just a little abrupt to me.

Take the perceptions with a grain of salt. I'm not even sure they're worth two cents, but there you are.

[Ariel Ramos]

Bill, nice piece.

I am fighting with myself trying to decide if the repeating pattern (and the top note, is it a D?) is a plus or a minus. I kind of want it go somewhere else but at the same time it also gives me the sensation of endless (or eternal)

Have you tried modulating to another pole are mode? It might give the piece a place to go and come back from.

Ariel

[William Rayer]

You are very perceptive, Ariel. Though the top note of the rising figure is a C, it does feel suspended like it wants to go, but I don't let it. It is a prelude and I want the sense expectancy to be there, an urge for the music to go somewhere, but where? The following movements should satisfy that urge.

Thanks for the listen and the great comments.

Best regards,
Bill