Constructive Criticism for High School Competition

[Sahil Jindal]

I'm entering a high school competition for music composition and I need suggestions on how my piece is. The piece is arranged for an orchestra, so if you feel there's anything lacking, don't be afraid to let me know. Thanks a lot!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3gPNHIR_3U

[Tombo Rombo]

I find it a bit curious that you always refer to the fact that you are in high school.  Maybe I just have a suspicious nature, but it makes me think you are lying.  Forgive me if I'm wrong.  I may start a birther movement though :)  So I listened to most of it.  Sounds like a bit too much is going on to me, sort of a full on assault.  Lots of energy though, I like that, maybe just kind of unfocused energy, kind of like a 15 year old's hormones raging wildly.  Take a couple depo-provera and listen to it then, maybe you'll see what I mean.

[Sahil Jindal]

Sorry, I refer to the fact that I'm in high school so people can critique me on that level. I don't want people thinking I'm a professional composer and than sabotage my works because I don't meet their expectations. But I am still in high school no doubt about that :) Would you recommend removing some of the harmonies and instead doubling on the melodies to add some clarity? 

Tombo Rombo said:

I find it a bit curious that you always refer to the fact that you are in high school.  Maybe I just have a suspicious nature, but it makes me think you are lying.  Forgive me if I'm wrong.  I may start a birther movement though :)  So I listened to most of it.  Sounds like a bit too much is going on to me, sort of a full on assault.  Lots of energy though, I like that, maybe just kind of unfocused energy, kind of like a 15 year old's hormones raging wildly.  Take a couple depo-provera and listen to it then, maybe you'll see what I mean.

[Tombo Rombo]

Would you recommend removing some of the harmonies and instead doubling on the melodies to add some clarity? 

Maybe, try it and see!