Music Composers Unite!
This is a very interesting fragment Rafael. It is unconventional for several reasons which is something that I like. You have what I assume are lyrics entered on the score, is this intended as a song?
I don't know if you consider this a complete work or if it is the start of a longer piece. Since it is kind of hard, for me at least, to comment on an unconventional fragment why don't you tell us more about what you are intending for this piece, then we can talk more about it?
I listened to this a few times, but as it is so short, could not really draw anything from it to comment on other than that it is very heavy on the on-beats (1 and 3). Sorry, but I need to hear something longer to offer any substantive advice -
This is really very nice and has a lot of emotion packed into such a very short piece...I would really enjoy hearing this extended, and developed into a longer piece, as the writing is so very good I didnt want it to end.
GREAT work, and thanks so much for sharing!
If this is a complete thought, and if it says what you wanted it to say, then how long it is makes no difference. You are the composer. You get to decide how it goes.
You asked how to make it better. That depends on your goal.